It has been a very long time since I have written. I have been so busy creating a new life for myself and my family. I have reached SOOOO many of my goals and I have gone way further than I ever thought possible. There have been many ups and downs but I am so happy and I can not wait to share everything with all of you. In the past few months I have opened an Ebay store that has been a success and I have been pursuing my art which has also been a success!! Stay tuned to hear about all of the amazing things that have happened and some of the not so amazing things. I can’t wait to share the secrets to my success. I have been learning as I go and I can tell you what has worked and what hasn’t worked. Take a look at some new artwork!!
Hello my friends. I have not written in quite a while. I apologize for that. I have been SO busy. We actually just got back from visiting Josie. We were in Maryland for almost two weeks again and although it was wonderful it was also hard saying goodbye once again. I took a short break from my “lifebeyondmommy blog” but probably not for the right reasons. I am not very proud to admit this, but I stopped blogging because I have received a lot of scrutiny and judgment regarding my one post “I miss my daughter.” It was uploaded to a site called Stumbleupon and it has been viewed almost 2300 times. I am glad it is receiving views, because I am sure there are other people going through what I am going through, but by the same token, it has been quite a large pill to swallow. I have received a couple nasty comments and a few nasty emails from people who don’t agree with my decisions and think I am “a terrible mother.” At first I tried to just delete the nasty comments and move on about my day. But then the emails came so now I am writing this post. I have never shared the reason WHY I had to move away from Josie. I never felt it was truly necessary. I mean most of you have been amazing friends and supportive and just wonderful. Most of you didn’t need to know WHY I had to leave all you needed to know was that I was hurting and that was enough for you to show me compassion and support. This post it not directed towards you. This post is for those of you who have judged me. The ones who need to know the WHOLE story, the ones who think no reason in this world is a good reason to move away from your child. I am sure my reason will still not be a good enough one in your eyes but for my sanity I just want to share my reason with everyone. Perhaps I should have shared it earlier? It is not easy sharing your stories with the world. I started blogging for personal growth and in the hopes that my struggles would help others. I wanted to inspire other women, and for the most part I think I have done that. I want to continue my blogging journey. I want to keep searching for a “life beyond mommy,” and in order for me to move on I just need to get this out. Bare with me guys.
I love my husband and my kids more than anything in this world. Let me clarify something, I would have NEVER left Josie if it wasn’t absolutely necessary. NEVER. My husband is in the MILITARY. He serves our country everyday. He is an amazing father and a wonderful husband. Yes, I knew he was in the military when I married him, but I also knew that he was my soulmate. He was the one I had been waiting for and I couldn’t live this life with any other being knowing they were not him. We married so fast because we loved each other so much. We never planned on getting pregnant right away. In fact, I was on birth control when it happened. Soon enough we found ourselves married with a newborn and Military orders for another state. My husband, who serves our country was being transferred to another unit, and no there was NOTHING any of us could do about it.
I had to make a decision. The hardest decision I have ever had to make. Yes, I could have stayed in Maryland by myself with our newborn while my husband moved away in order to continue seeing Josie on the regular. But what sense did that make? Who was I to keep my newborn away from her father and vice versa? Yes, I could have fought Josie’s father and drug them both through the court system so maybe I could take Josie with us. But who was I to keep Josie away from her father and vice versa? Josie has so many people in Maryland who love her. Her father and his family, and my family as well. It was not my place to take her away from everything she knew and everyone who loved her so dearly. Josies’ father is a GREAT father. He loves her more than anything, and he would do anything to ensure her health and happiness. Knowing this, I could never even attempt to rip her away from him. I feel so blessed to be able to say that my daughter is in wonderful hands. Most of you have absolutely no idea how hard this situation was and still is for me and my family. I have worried many times about whether or not Josie will be well adjusted. I have worried constantly about whether or not she will blame me for not being there or if later in life she will not understand why I had to leave. All I can do is try to make her understand as much as possible why things are the way they are. Josie knows that if as she gets older she wants to come live with us she can. Her father and I both want to make sure she is old enough to make that decision before she makes it. As of now though, she has never questioned anything. She has never demanded to live with us. She is happy in MD. She is happy surrounded by family and friends who love her. I am sure there will be times where she questions things, but her dad is there to answer any concerns she has, and we are only a phone call or skype call away. We ALL love Josie. All of us. Not just me, not just her dad. Her life is not trypical. It has never been typical. Her father and I have had joint custody since she was 2 weeks old. Joint custody is all she has ever known.
It is important to note that we have tried and continue to try to get stationed as close as possible to Maryland. We travel there as much as physically possible to see her and she comes her as much as possible as well. I know this is not the ideal situation, but it is OUR situation so we have to handle it as gracefully as possible. I have tried to make the best of this for everyone even though it literally kills me inside everyday. In my heart I believe that the decisions I have made for Josie have been the best decisions for her. Do I want to see her everyday? YES. Do I wish we lived in Maryland? EVERYDAY. Do I miss her? Do I cry for her? ALL OF THE TIME. Just because some decisions seem like they may be the best for ME, that doesn’t mean they are the best decisions for her. I had to do what was best for her even if it killed me. Trust me when I say ripping her away from her father, her friends, and her family that loves her so she could move to another state with her new stepdad and I would NOT have been best for her. I pray everyday, and I have faith that she does and will always understand why her situation is the way that it is.
I know that I do not owe anyone an explanation for why my life is the way that it is. I know I do not have to explain to the world WHY I have made the decisions I have made. I am a person and I do have feelings. There are many things that I struggle with on a daily basis and being away from Josie is one of them. I knew when I wrote that post that there would be many people who judged me. Perhaps I should have prepared myself better mentally for the negativity. I have missed blogging and I don’t want something as small as this to effect me or keep me from doing something I love to do. I guess I needed to write this post in order to move forward. Thanks for reading!
I was tagged by Katie Ruiz to participate in this fun “4 Secrets” post. I don’t usually do things like this but I thought it would be a cute way for me to tell you a little more about myself. Here it goes!
Four names people call me other than my real name:
- Mommy (my favorite)
- Baby (my husband)
- Bug (my mom when I was little)
- Rachel Rooster (ugh my Dad..not too sure about this one lol)
Four Jobs I have had:
- I played poker for a living when I was a single mother (True story..I’ll tell you about it someday)
- Substitute teacher (high school hell)
- Cake decorator (Loved that one)
Four movies I have watched more than once:
- Pan’s Labyrinth by Guillermo del Toro (one of my favorites..so beautiful)
- Green Street Hooligans (another all time favorite)
- The entire Harry Potter series
- The Boondock Saints
Hello beautiful dreamers! All of you probably think I dropped off of the planet because I have not written in over a week but I assure I am still here and I have been VERY productive lately! I am very proud to announce that my three year old is FINALLY potty trained! It took a little longer to train her than my first two girls but we did it! If anyone needs any tips just ask, I am full of information! Also, I have really taken a step back and reevaluated my life. I have been painting and creating, and I think I finally know what having a life beyond mommy means for me.
When I began this journey almost three months ago, I had no idea where I was going or what to expect. I didn’t even really know how I was going to accomplish my goal or how I was going to get the things I wanted in my life. All I knew was I wanted more LIFE in my life. I wanted to do more than just be a mother and a housewife. There was something missing, and I needed to find what that something was. Well my friends. I think I may have found what I have been looking for.
At the beginning, I intended on using Art as my therapy. I have been painting more than I ever have and it has become so much more than just therapy. By painting the way that I have been , I have pushed myself farther than I have ever gone before. I have realized things about my talent that I have never known. I never even knew I had artistic ability until I was in the 7th grade. I went with a friend to her art class one weekend and as soon as I entered the building I felt at home. It was the strangest thing that has ever happened to me. The paints, the canvases and the brushes all so new to me yet very familiar as well. I picked up my first brush and as soon as I began to paint I knew I was meant to be an artist. Here I am years later and I am wondering why I haven’t applied my talents to my life before now? I have really tried to stretch my comfort zone over the past week. I have gone new places with these recent paintings and I have reached new heights. I have never shown my work before, and in no way have I ever tried to sell them or make anything of my art. However, I feel I have finally identified what needs to change in my life in order for me to feel fulfilled and satisfied. I know it is not going to be easy, but I would rather try and fail than not try at all and always wonder “what if.” The clock is not going to stop. Time is going to keep passing. If I want to make a change and if I want to make something of the person I am other than mommy, the time is NOW. No more procrastinating, no more excuses. I want to do what I love. I want to create and I want to paint and I want to show the world what I can do. I am not just a mother, I am an artist as well. I want my voice to be heard.
I am considering opening a shop on ETSY. Do any of you guys have Etsy shops? How is it? Do you enjoy what you do? Do you think Etsy is a good fit for me? I would love any feedback you can give me. I am excited to start this new part of my journey, and a little nervous too. Also I wanted to let everyone know I am on Twitter now. I would love if you followed me @lifebeyondmommy.
almost three months ago, I had no idea where I was going or what to expect. All I knew was I wanted more LIFE in my life. I wanted a purpose other than being a mother and a housewife.